The mission, should you accept. Is to drive miles into the depths of Idahowilderness and attain footing on the second highest peak...aply named "Leatherman".

Sounds sexy; filled with intrigue and mystery. Only thing is, we tried this in Fall of 2004 only to climb our Mt "NaugaHyde". This year, we had to attempt it without our trusty guide (Brent). Seems Brent has an excuse this year...I got a boo-boo on my footy. To be fair, I suppose a climb of such magnitude would reek havoc on a torn tendon. But as my coach use to say as I'm bent over and yacking my lunch out on the hill-sprints...walk it off!

So here we are. 35 Miles outside of Sun Valley. 22 Miles outside of the outside of Sun Valley. On the same rocky, twiny road of river-rock and road-boulders, idling our way to the trail-head of Leatherman. This time we have an inkling where that is. BAM! what the F....that sounded like my running-board! Sure] enough, through the careful evading driving I thought I had become quite accustomed...I managed to find a big rock that I couldn't clear. You catch that Jeff? Yup...right behind me is Jeff, His SUV now knows where not to go.

Oh well...it's a sport UTILITY vehicle I'm told. As we make it to the trail head, it is pretty dark and late. But we're pretty much on time according to our MO. To our surprise, there appears to be other campers in the bright glow of our headlights. Sorry folks...but the uglies have arrived...tired.

We set up camp along a river. We're getting pretty quick and proficient at setting up our sites in the dark. Next thing we know....zzzzzzzzz.

MARRRAGGHHHHH...we're awake!!!! What the hell is that sound! It's all around us. Bear came to mind. Damn bastard salesman in Sun Valley, I told him I wanted to purchase "Bear Repellant" and he just laughed and said...No Bears in these parts! So what the hell is that outside our tents. Please let it be Bambi and two friendly bunnies, I'll go to church, learn the lord's pra...oh, they're cows. After checking in front of the tent to make sure no one placed a nice mushy pie at the entrance...we began the fun scottish game "Find the Coffee". The sun was breaking day at the time, and we all started rolling out of our nylon-shells at disparate times. Jeff was up first...he was closer to the cows! Sandra and me next. For early-birders...Tammy and Greg decided on a sleep-in. Get up you lazy sloths...there's climbing to do.

We were nestled at the base of a forest gully that leads out to a meadow where we can see the enormity of Mt Leatherman. How do I know this? Because, Deja Vu is a horrible thing. This year Greg and I were equipt with handheld GPS. Ahhh, there's something about GPS devices that give you that "in touch" with nature feeling.

This is the first time I met Jeff. He's a lawyer that works in Tammy's office. To bad Brent wasn't here; something about the universal bond between those in the legal profession. I could hear it now...Well counselor, do you forsee any challenges to the forementioned stategy that encompasses our endeavors to meet this aquisition. "Why no, honorable counselor, I believe that no settlemen is in order, and we should prevail upon our rightful deliberation of this case". Oh well, I suppose we'll have to get along with talks of "what kind of trail mix did you bring?". Hmmmm, looks like Jeff has climbed before...oh goody! Someone to give Greg a run for the money.

Over the river and through the woods...over miles of Cow Crap we go! Yes, that's right. The cows I mentioned earlier have made their way up the trail eating and crapping all over the place. I think I'm going to be sick. It was a delicate dance over twigs, rocks and pies. But eventually, we came through it and there it was....Just like I remembered...very tall.

As we got closer, I began to notice a consistency about the mountain. Sandra saw it too. There's no "Leather" on "Leatherman". Nothing smooth and silky about this hill. It's all loose rock and shale. From bottom-to-top. I kinda remember this about "NaugaHyde". But it didn't really sink in until we started our ascent. Slip...Slip, twist...Slide. This was the dance steps we must learn. To bad I'm a horrible dancer.

Greg, Jeff and Tammy were definitely in shape for this. Sandra too, but I think she was holding back. I call it "my pace"...but that's code for "you go on ahead, I'm just going to sit here and die, OK?". But, dying is no substitution for pride...so up I went. Making sure that we wouldn't be attacked by killer squirrals, I pulled up the rear, protecting everyone. Lot of thanks that got me though.

The "Yeti's" (greg, jeff and tammy), vectored off to the left. Sandra, with a sense of her own independence took off to the right. Hmmm, Saaaaandra, that way looks kind of treacherous.

But let us digress...The Players:

Sandra Cashen

You remember her. She's the one who came up with the idea of the nine-peaks in "our lifetime". Cute, yet unrelenting in the "quest".

Tammy Ryan

Perfect combination of "perky" meets "Highlander". She smiles when she's kicking your butt up the hill.

Janice Fountain

Veteran Kilimanjaro conqueror. Yikes! This ought to be a piece of cake. But then again...

Jeff Thomson

I call him "Yeti". He seems natural climbing the back-hills. Always out in front except when it involves driving the SUV's into ditches.

Greg Perkins

Hmmmm, what can you say about Greg? Quite a lot if you pay attention. He's half the man he ought to be given his eating habits.

Brent Williams

Brents' got calves that should be able to kick a mountain a few inches if he kicked it. But, that was before he pulled his Achilles tendon doing the "Cycle Idaho". Buck it up Brent! You won't be carrying your bike on this one.

Chris Williams

Your most adorable Ugly. I can say that, cause I wrote it.

The Drive

It's Saturday I think; and we've just emerged out of Trail-Creek Road from Sun Valley. Not a bad bit of road in retrospect. Only 30+ miles or so of pot-holes, dust and the occasional suicidal cow. But, we're past that now, heading to what we believe is the nirvana of trail-heads (literature reads base of a ravine where a river runs through...blah blah, right). To be honest, it's certainly better then the road to "deliverance" that Leatherman so inhospitably offers. But, I'm just a little bitter. You see, it's now two running-boards on my Landcrusier that need replacing. I'm writing two letters on Tuesday...one to my insurance agent...the other, to my congressman.

I know why Jeff is paid the "big bucks"...he sends me out scouting for the spots in the road that pose "clear and present danger". Did I mention how much I love my 4-wheel-locking-differentiial? But we're beyond that now. As we've found what we believe is the trail-head. It's dark though, so 7 people, a topo-map and two GPS devices begin the dance of "where are we?" Turns out, Brent has become quite the redeemer since the "Naugahyde" climb. Oh, just so you know, it's not on any map, it's not registered with any geologist, and it's certainly not the "Mt. Leatherman" we thought we were climbing last year (get it? Naugahide? huh?). So Brent has been sufficiently sacrificing work to better understand topo-maps and GPS coordinates--case it point, we were correctly positioned at the trailhead to begin our bright and early ascent.

The Morning

It's morning...rather, it's still evening (according to the lighting around us). But there's this faint stirring; a disturbing sound just North of our tent...oh, it's Tammy and Greg. Giggling like it's two hours after work, and they're into their 2nd round of Martini's. Somehow, they must have missed the memo that it's not only impolite to be so cheerful at 6:30 in the morning, but that it's SIX F'N THIRTY in the morning! Gads!

If I could describe breakfast without feeling slightly nauseous, I'd be able to come up with a more apt illustration then Greg chomping on handfuls of Cheetos while washing it down with a Dr. Pepper. Remember that old commercial "I'm a pepper, she's a pepper, wouldn't you like to be a pepper too"? No, well good for you. Cause you'll never have to bear that playing in your head with images of yellow polymers screaming through your digestive system. At...Oh yeah, it's now SEVEN in the morning. Ahh, coffee's ready! Time out, OK?

Daybreak

It begins. It sounds wonderful in the "Climbing Idaho" book. Beautiful views, crisp air...Nature at its finest. But then, I looked up. Yow! That's a frigg'n long way up. Two of em, huh? Sounds feasible. After all, I have been running twice a week for 30 minutes. Bring it on!

What's this? It appears that Greg, Tammy and Jeff have decided to show off their exceptional lung-capacity. They're disappearing into the river-creek trail at a blinding pace...They must not have read the part in the book where it talks about 10-12 hours. Suckers!

What's this? Is that my lungs convulsing in and out while only a half mile from base-camp? Couldn't be, After all, two days running a week is more then adequate exercise for just "walking" up a hill. They disappear into the thorny sticky nettle bushes. The trail winds across a virtually dry creek-bed and fallen branches. We're in a ravine, pacing very slowly up, around, down, then over, then under, then....WE'RE OUT!

The Realization

IT'S ANOTHER LEATHERMAN!!!! DAMN IT! Shifty bits of loose rock, one on top of the next. Say it ain't so! Leatherman, although 3 weeks ago, is still fresh in my mind. Apparently still fresh in Gregs too...I think I saw the F-Word escape as a whisper from his mouth. At this point, we pulled out the tools of the trade (our topo, our GPS, our beef jerky), and planed the ascent. Left? No Right...how about up the middle? This is where we should've come to the realization that no amount of map or electronics could congeal the consensus of our attack. One thing we did agree though...lunch can't be much further.

Lunch

Ahhh, after the first bit of scrambling through the rocks, we arrived at "the pond"...looks a little dry though...maybe it's "NaugaPond"...like our Faux Leatherman turned out to be. We were right...only another 100 or so feet we came across the perfect resting spot for a "Break". The "pond" looked more like a "puddle". August must've been hard on moisture in this neck of the...mountains?

It all comes out now. Everyone pulls out their version of "perfect" hiking food. Greg with his Cheetos and Dr. Pepper? OK, maybe he brought it up a notch. From what I can tell it appears like Chicken-Jerky...which, by the way isn't considered "jerky" by "dry meat" aficionados. Tammy, yup...that looks like trail-mix (I was wondering if anyone had the courage to bring a bag of that after our previous trail-mix-saturating-climbs...but there it was! Jeff, it turns out made a wonderful sandwich. At least it looked wonderful at the car. Four hours was plenty for the Jelly to make a break for the outer confinements of its wheat bread imprisonment. Look like it was a pretty bloody jailbreak. Brent and Janice then pulled out the delight...is that dried pineapple? Why, yes it is. Once secured in my hands I could not help notice that dried pineapple weighs the same as my four propel bottles. Dang! That's heavy. Janice acknowledges before then slapping Brent for making her carry it up for all hours of trail. Sandra and I then snack on peanut-butter-and- jelly tortilla wraps. Yeah, it may sound ugly, but then again...it at least had containment.

Donaldson

All full of lunch and dreams, we start it up. and up...and oh wow this is a climb. From the big amphitheatre where we were in the middle of Church and Donaldson, it was everyone for them selves. Jeff, Right up the middle! The rest of us were clumped together for a while, until packs started splitting off. Sandra and Greg were hitting it from the right of Donaldson through a very difficult rock-chute. After a few boulders came rushing down from the scramble or our predecessors, Tammy was able to apply the lessons learned back when we first heard of "duck and cover"...Good thinking too! as they were just clearing her head as they came rushing down. This didn't look like the best route to me. Maybe I'll just go around and show them! Ha! I'll be laughing a good one when they finally arrive to the peak and I'm all rested and bragging about my exceptional navigation skills. Follow me Tammy, this is the way! I'm just twenty-five yards in front of Tammy, when I got to the turning point...S%&! F&*#...CLIFF...no way around. Go back Tammy! We then get to the point where Greg and Sandra went up...looking up the peak I see Jeff and Sandra sitting on the top of Donaldson...all rested, and probably bragging about their exceptional navigation abilities. Greg stayed behind to make sure we came back around.

We then cleared the chute, and it was not that bad to get to the top of Donaldson. Ahhhhhhhh, here at last. Then we see Janice, and Brent making there way from....how did they make it up that path?!?! I believe we may have found all possible ways up the Donaldson ascent. Break out the Gatorade! Take some pictures, and then we looked over our shoulders.

Church

No way! We're doing that today! Let's just call it a day and hit Church in a couple years. Sandra was hearing none of that! The book says it would take 45 minutes from the top of Donaldson to reach the summit of Church. My opinion was that it was a misprint, and this would all be settled, when we got back and purchased the second edition of that book with the correction.

From the viewpoint, it was a frightening looking ridge that we were contemplating (my thinking was two more hours). It was 1:30 I think when we set out for Church...A little later then we wanted, but after some thought...who wants to get this close only to do the hike another day.

Whoever scribed about Chicken-Out-Ridge on Mt. Borah, must have written it before they climbed Mt. Church. It was aptly pointed out that we were on chicken-out ridge for 10 minutes, but we were on just as scary ridge for one hour on this one. After a while, we were just climbing because that's all we knew how to do...just go up...just go up. Then it happened. 50 more feet! I heard coming from up ahead. Yeah! From the top of Church was spectacular! Must've been the best view yet that we've seen from the heights. We could see Leatherman, and its long drive approach from below, the valley on the other side....very cool.

Some of that cool was the "wind". Man, it's really picking up now. After we took out our Gatorade, took some pictures, wrote our names in the journal, it was finally time to go down.

The Debates

Judging from our various attacks on Donaldson, it should've come as no surprise that we had varying degrees of heading down the hill. It was 2:30, fast approaching 3pm, and we were not even off the ridge between Donaldson&Church. Wow...this was putting the idea into our heads that we may be rollicking through the trees with our head-lamps...not a desirable thought at the time. With much debate and pause, we stuck mostly together until we reached the longitude of the chute that we were all relegated to head down. Me and Sandra took a lower approach, the others were a bit higher up...but we were heading down in either case, which was much improved from our lateral descent.

The Pain

We were back on the loose rock, sliding, shifting and avalanching down the hill. for what seemed like hours we were finally at the "puddle" that defined us at lunch. We even found the Pineapple rings that were previously lost on purpose. I still think my throw went the farthest. It was 5pm and we had a lot of ground to make up...judging from our mathematical attempts, we all came up with "we'll have been doing this for 12 hours"....off down the hill. We hit the path down with the same consistency and team participation that we had going up. Me, Jeff and Greg went to the right. Brent, Tammy, Janice, and Sandra right down the middle. Greg and I found some much smaller rock hill and found that we could just about ski down the thing....so that's what we did. Ahhhhh, we're back on foliage.

The Push

Everybody now pooled, together and exhausted...it was a great time to go into walk of the living dead. Lockstep and moving forward, each foot down was a gasp of pain. Only a few more miles through the river ravine that brought us to this meadow. It was about here that I started to remember, that there was beer in the car. Aha! Incentive!

Jeff, Greg and Tammy (the Yeti Club)...were again in there Olympian pace for the gold. Sandra and I were slowly stomping our way through....I couldn't see Brent and Janice....but there's no way other then out for the down. Sandra was keeping kinda quiet. She was battling altitude sickness...yikes! Just a bit further.

The Finish

Coming out of the trail-head and seeing the cars parked in the valley had to be as pleasing a site as the one on top of Church&Donaldson. For there was sandals and beer in what was once a black landcruiser, but now disguised as a gray dust-wagon. When we arrived, I don't actually remember seeing Jeff Tammy and Greg, but I remember hearing their voices as I passed, slogging straight to the "wagon".

IT WAS OVER! Two peaks done out of the nine. The season of climbing was over as far as we were concerned. This was the hardest so far.

P.S.

The grand plan of partying it up in Sun Valley with rounds of Patron and soothing soaks in the hot-springs around Warm Springs was but a ghost of a thought after we found the only open dinner spot on a Sunday, and we had already come to independent conclusions that "there's no place like home"...and so there we went.

Very Nice, Uglies!